The Sad and Sordid Tale of Isabella Ratzova

A long time ago in the land of Romania there lived a young Gypsy named Mario Ratzov. Mario was a handsome and charming man who used his charms well.He had a way with the women and could capture hearts when ever the need arised. Mario became a travelling salesman selling gypsy arifacts, beads and trinkets in all corners of the world.He travelled to Canada where he met and married a lovely french woman whose name was Celine. They had 4 lovely children , 2 daughters whose names were Dinarah and Isabella Ratzova. Dinarah was the older sister with the beautiful eyes. Beautiful smiling eyes. Eyes full of expression. Eyes so deep you got lost in them. Eyes so dark they were like the deep blue of the caribbean ocean and you wanted to dive into them and stay forever. Eyes that a sailor could swim in for the rest of his life. Sorry I got sidetracked. This story is about Isabella.
Mario also had wives and mistresses and children in many other countries, Holland, England, The USA, and most other european countries. These came to light when he passed away suddenly in a moment of passion with his last and youngest wife, 25 yr old Imelda who lived in Belize. Then all his extended family and step children learned about each other.
This is the story of mainly Isabella Ratzova from Montreal, a lovely young lady with Gypsy blood, a good heart , and her search for the ideal skipper.
Isabelle started her sailing life and found a captain named Raul. Raul was a swarthy lad, a mans man. A sailor, diver, fisherman, rugged and handsome. Isabella had a wonderfull life with Raul and spent many happy years cruising the wonderful countries of Central America. Sampling their foods, culture and all the wonderful things they had to offer. However like most sailors, Raul had a wandering eye, The grass is greener syndrome. The next port is better type. And so the broken hearted Isabelle said goodby to Captain Raul Unfaithfull and his boat the Fool Around and set off in search a real Captain with a true heart, a pure soul, and handsome and romantic. And we all know that you call captains like this a rumour.
She met Captain Paul and sailed with him, diving and sailing in the Turks and Caicos Islands. But Paul was a stern taskmaster and worked Isabelle to the bone cleaning and sanding and cooking. She had no time for herself and life wasnt good. So Isabella left Captain Paulish Everything and his beautiful yacht the Bright and Shiny and returned to Montreal and went back to work and continued her search for the perfect Captain.
She went to the Bahamas to meet Captain John. She had corresponded with John for many months before making the move to join him. He seemed like a nice ,interesting fellow. But after 3 days it turn out he was really Captain Johnny Walker and she left the boat and hid in a monastery and practised yoga to ease her broken dreams.
The 2007/8 sailing season started with Captain Poot. She had talked with him for many months and he wanted her to help with some deliveries and charters he hoped to do. But Captain Stay Poot was in love with his anchor and it never seemed to leave the bottom so the dissapointed Isabella left his boat, the S/V Didnt Moove and went looking for a boat to sail on that moved.
Next came Captain Don Juan, a military man who ran his ship to strict rules and a strict regime. A nice man but no Captain charming. She had to leave the ship and it was then that she fell into the clutches of Captain Dave.
Now Captain Dave was a weak man whom had fallen under the spell of a woman who was known as Evil Edi Ratzova. Yes she was a stepsister of Isabella. A sister from the same mister. Now when Evil Edi met her step sister she became jealous of the beautiful Isabella and went out of her way to make her life miserable. But because she had no choice and no place to stay, Isabella was forced to join The Nauticat. On the boat there were other crew, her other stepsister and a real sister of Evil Edi , the miserable Joyless Ratzova. There was another lady aboard who turned out to also be a long lost 2nd cousin, Anita Ratzova from Seattle. Other crew were also aboard, Pirate Paul and Mad Mike, the Mouth of Juan de Fuca. They also treated poor Isabelle poorly.
Anita took care of the lovely Isabella as best she could and tried to protect her from Captain Dave and her jealous stepsisters. Isabella was forced to clean and scrub the boat and clean the head. She was forced to wear only rags and small itty bitty clothes, which Captain Dave really liked. Always cold and working all the time, Isabella had a bad life. But she never gave up her search for the Perfect Captain.
On the Nauticat Isabella was forced to cook gormet meals for the captain and crew. And she did cook gormet. She is a fabulous cook. And she made lunches even in the worst weather. And they were good lunches. And she always did it with a smile on her face. No mater how bad she was treated, Isabelle was always happy and cheerful. This really bothered Evil Edi and Joyless. They forced her to clean the boat, scrub the head, and do all their jobs on the Nauticat. These she did and still she smiled. She is just happy to be on a boat, Even if it is a boat like the Nastycat.
While sailing on the slave ship The Nauticat Isabella met Captain Lefty in Bequia. Lefty was a handsome man and captivated the suseptible Isabella. He was swarthy and swaggering but he also had a dark side. So one night Captain Lefty Behind upped anchor and, with the good ship Gotta Go slipped out of Bequia before Issabella could escape from The Nastycat. She was devastated. "Are all Captains unfaithful, lying scoundrels?" she sobbed. We all know the answer to that.
At a nice quiet anchorage Isabella met Captain Rom. He was a charter boat captain and could only spare a little time for the lovely Isabella. But they met at a couple of other anchorages and he plied her with gifts of fresh fish, Mahi Mahi and Bonitto that Captain Dave and the Evil Edi quickly took from her and kept for themselves and forced her to eat Blue Tang and Parrot fish instead. Isabella met up with Captin Rom again in Martinique and he plied her with dinner and wine and chocolates. But the next morning when Isabella had to get up early to scrub the bottom of the Dirticat she noticed that Captain Romantic Evening and his good ship The Escape had left. Rom had left the boat and flown to Spain where he had a better job waiting for him. Isabella was crushed. He had seemed so wonderful and she had fallen deeply in love, but alas it was not to be.
Isabella was forced to provide food for the Nauticat also. With only the barest of fishing gear, a hand line and a piece of plastic bag for a lure, Isabelle fished for the Nauticat. And she was a good fisherman. She was forced to clean her catch and then clean the boat afterwards. All this she did and still smiled and was happy. Nothing gets this girl down.
Later on Isabella met Captain March. Now March was a very dedicated and athletic man. He loved to sail and dive, but most of all he loved to hike. He wooed the lovely Isabella and asked her to go on a hike with him. Poor Isabella. She didnt have any good hiking shoes as Evil Edi had taken all her shoes to add to her already exorbitant shoe collection. Poor Isabella had just an old pair of flip flops. After trying her best to keep up, she returned to the Nauticat, her feet covered in cuts and blisters. She knew then that Captain Forced March and his boat the Double Time were not for her.
The Nauticat went to St Martin to race in the Heinekin Regatta. Isabella was forced to work the fordeck on the Nauticat. And Captain Dave wouldn't let Isabella wear proper clothes to race in. She was forced to wear a skimpy bikinni on fordeck, out in the cold wind and blazing sun. Nothing to shield her lovely body from the elements. And it is a gorgeous body. A firm, subtle body. Golden brown tanned skin. Toned and flexible muscles. Lithe and sinuey. Ready to spring to action at any moment. Pardon me, again I digress. This is supposed to be about Isabella. Actually it is.
At the Heinekin Regatta she met Captain Al. Now captain Al was a happy-go-lucky fellow. He had a nice big catamaran that he was also racing in the Heinekin. Al and Isabella hit it off instantly. Al played the guitar and sang and before the regatta Al would come over to the Nauticat and ply Captain Davy and Evil Edi with drinks so that He and Isabella could play the guitar and sing together. They got along well and sang in perfect harmony and soon Isabella was falling for Captain Al. But during the Regatta she found out that Captain Al was really Captain Already Taken and his boat was the Unavailable. After the regatta Al went home to his wife of many years and Isabella was left to search some more. It must be noted that the Nauticat beat the Unavailable in the regatta and that didnt help Isabellas chances. We all know that sailors dont loose well.
After the regatta , down in the Islands that touch the Sky, Captain Needsa came a courting. Now Captain Needsa was from Puerto Rico and had sailed alone for many years throughout the Windward and Leeward Islands. He spoke fluent Spanish, a language that Isabella loves. an he seemed to know everything about everything, I think that comes with being a Captain. He even knew that there were no manatees in Puerto Rico. So i guess my friends were actually swimming with mermaids in Salinas. So would this very knowledgeable and available skipper be the one? Alas no he wasnt. He had sailed alone for too long and was not the Captain Charming she was looking for. So Captain Needsa Bath and the good ship Neverbeen Scrubbed were soon dispatched.
So the lovely Isabella is still in the clutches of Captain Dave and Evil Edi on the Nauticat. Is she destined to remain a prisoner forever or will a dashing young captain come sailing out of 7Knots to wisk her away? Or will it be a noble sailor from Cruiserlog.com that comes to her rescue. Only time will tell. Stay tuned for the further adventures of Isabella Ratzova. I hope we have a happy ending for this story.

We all know that this is life and there are no happy endings because life goes on and the only way it ends is not happy for anybody. So there are only chapters in life and all we can hope for are a few good chapters to keep us going. And that is what is happening in the tale of Isabella Ratzova. Her tale doesnt end , it just keeps on going. There will be many more chapters. However, it has taken a happy twist. The charming Isabella has finally won over her Evil Stepsister, the notorious Evil Edi Ratzova, and they have become friends and get along well. No longer does Evil Edi treat her mean and cruel. They started sharing cooking duties on the Nauticat. They clean and do dishes together. They share makeup and advise each other what to wear and what looks good on them. They even suntan naked together on the trampoline (they don't invite Captain Davey) and share books. And discuss and share future captain charmings and how to find them. But Evil Edi draws the line at helping Isabella clean the fish, Isabella still has to do that by herself. They are not that good of friends. So they have organized a revolt on the Nauticat and now Captain Davy has to cook and clean and do all the repair work while they lie around and suntan. It was the breadfuit for dinner that sparked the revolt. You would have thought I had read Mutiny on the Bounty and know what happens when you bring breadfruit on board. But no, that breadfruit is so good to look at and the trees are so lovely, tall, slim, like a woman, a gorgeous green like the eyes of a sulty harem girl and it entices you. Before you know it you have brought one on board. It sucks you in, like gorgeous eyes and a lovely naked body. Sort of like women, good looking on the outside and we all know Captains are shallow people and only look at the shiny exterior of crew and boats. And then all hell breaks loose. And thats what happened on the Nauticat. Breadfruit. The holding tank got plugged. The sticky gooy vegetable stuck to the insides and everyone ended up constipated. And a constipated woman is worse than one with PMS. So there was a revolt on the Nauticat. And one nasty Captain cant stand up to two women with plugged bowels and win.
So Isabella and Evil Edi started looking and checking the traplines for another boat. And Isabella has found a charming and learned new skipper from the land of good chocholates and cheeses. He's tall, well educated ( if you can call being an engineer educated), brave, bold, sensitive, caring, and with a lovely boat. And he wants to go where she does. (Even if he didn't she would soon fix that).
So Isabella is off to join this new boat and its nice skipper. And she has taken Evil Edi to meet him before Evil Edi flies back to her home in the lovely Pacific Northwest where she will finally get rid of a nasty motorcycle hood that has been causing her grief for the last 4 years. And she will tend to her trap lines for next season. Meanwhile Isabella is going to skope out a future captain for her on the island of oil and reggae music. And poor Captain Davey is all by himself on the Nauticat with just canned corned beef and breadfruit to eat. Ah the life of a lonely single captain, but that is another story. So wish good luck to Isabella and her continuing search. May the lucky captain come forward and get his rewards.
Good luck and best wishes Isabella. We are all hoping that this is THE ONE. Stay tuned for an update.

Update
Unfortunately as nice a fellow as he was he is not THE ONE and so Isabella continues her search for Captain Right

Update no.2
Well finally Isabella has found the perfect skipper, at least in her mind. However all us skippers know we are far from perfect but we can fool somepeople sometimes. And where did this lucky fellow come from? Was it 7knots? cruiser log? Neither, it was find a crew. he contacted her and flew her from montreal to trinidad where they me and the rest is history, or soon will be. And the lucky man is Captain Brian. And he has a lovely boat, and Oyster 56 that he plans to sail into the Pacific Ocean right where she wants to go. So Isabella is really in love. And the world is her oyster, or should we say an Oyster is her world. The Nauticat will miss you but we are very happy for you. Enclosed are some pictures.

A Little Ditty about Dennie

Dennie arrived on the Nauticat one night
Fresh from a victory at Foxy's Cat Fight
She had helped old Pirate Pete
Accomplish a very good feat
She had helmed the French Kiss in the race
To a very respectable second place
But the crew of the Nauticat were a different bunch
Last year at the Heinekin they were out to lunch
They finished the regatta Dead F#&*%g Last
They sure didn't sail the Nauticat very fast
So she knew she had lots of work to do
To help them become a respectable crew.
She explained to Edi in words simple and plain
And the two of them did a good job trimming the main
And She got young Isabelle
To work the foredeck very well
And when we were starting to lag behind
She chipped in to help Mike and Anita grind
But the hardest thing there was of late
Was to get skipper Dave to concentrate
So she kept all our spirits up during the race
And pushed us into third Place
Thankyou Dennie, same time next year

The Legend of Adrift Nelly

This is the much edited version. All names have been removed under great duress to protect the victims.


When a sailor gets old
And his heart grows cold
And he’s spent too much time alone
He will recount his tales
About sirens and whales
And some will chill you to the bone.
So pull up a chair and buy me a drink
For I have a tale to tell
Of broken hearts and shattered dreams
And a siren known as Adrift Nell


Now Nell was a cute young lady
Though a little bit shady
From a town in the Pacific Northwest
She always had a smile
That was sure to beguile
But her laughter was the best.
She could tease you and squeeze you
And hug you and charm you
And leave you begging for more
But beware all you sailors fair
She could rip your heart out and leave it lying on the floor


Now Nell had a history of capturing hearts
She collected them by the score
She had left behind a sailor man and left him begging for more.
A smart and handsome man and an aspiring sailor was he
He had a lovely boat that would stay afloat
And he offered to take her to the sea,
He fell hard for Nell and said "I want you to be all mine"
But Nell couldnt be caught cause her heart was free
So she left him at the door
He was a broken man, a shell of a man, with his heart ripped to the core
Said Nell as she left "there are hearts to take and men to claim",
"I cant be tamed and kept in chains
I want to explore the seven seas...
One island at a time".


Another sailor bold from the land of the cold took Nell aboard as crew
He had sailed alone for many a year and to many a distant shore
But she charmed him right and after many a night he wanted to sail alone no more.
So beware you sailors fair, this can happen to you too
Dont tempt fate as it lies in wait disguised as a lovely belle
She just might be, the siren known as Adrift Nell.
Our Nell was a restlest spirit and difficult to tame
She moved on to sail some more upon the ocean vast and wide
There were places to see, things to do, and many more hearts to claim


She took a trip to the Caribbean to collect more hearts to her side
It was a fair day on the isle of Bequia when Nell walked into the bar
With a glance at skipper Dave, she thought, "I'm going to make this man my slave"
She flashed him a beautiful smile from afar
Without a fight, Dave's heart melted to the floor
With a "Cheers, Big Ears!" Nell sauntered to his table
"I have Bequia Dave and Carriacou Dave, I have Daves by the score,
I don't need any more."
"I'll set my sights for loftier heights.
I need to find a man who puts up a fight
When I am ready and able."


Now there was a handsome man and many a fair maid he had left behind
So Nell charmed him and teased him , and flattered him and squeezed him
Any any thoughts of other women left his mind
Not in a rush and with nair a blush Nell set about her job
And this poor mans heart just melted to a blob
Not content with just a heart Nell went on to the attack
She stripped him clean and even took the shirt right off his back.
But she treated him kind, took his heart and filed it away
"Because", said she, "you never know what life may bring"
"I may need a good honest man some day."


Her next victim was a lonely sailor bold
who sailed the seas far from home
He hiked and he biked and explored the land
but he was fated to sail the seas alone
With love in his heart he was out for a new start
He came courting the lovely Belle
But before they could connect and his dreams come true he ran into the captivating Nell
With a smile on her lips, she charmed him to bits, and that was the last thought of Belle.
Now off he went, with a broken heart totally stricken by lovely Nell
And for the rest of his life, he was racked with strife and destined to sail alone


Next in line was a Captain fine, with a boat both big and fair
He was a strong and handsome guy, but for Nell he had a yen
"Its true", said Nell, as she worked her art
"Size does matter in boats and men"
But she said goodby and broke his heart
And went back on the hunt again


Now here's a warning to you sailors,
If you walk into a bar
Should you spy a lovely dancing girl
Be sure to only look at her from afar.
If she has laughter on her lips and a lovely smile on her face
Just turn around and leave this dangerous place
She just might be the lovely Nell.
And if you hear her say "I'm not easy, I'm just reasonable", down your drink and dont be slow
Up your anchor and leave that place as fast as you can go
Because one look into her lovely eyes and a dance with that fair young maid
And you will be captured like the rest of us, so you better be afraid
Because the outcome of that dance is one we all know well
No man can resist the charms of the wonderful Adrift Nell


So if you be out sailing and you hear a woefull call
Let this be a warning to you sailors all
If you hear a haunting voice with a lilt from a lovely lady
and if the call is a sultry, "Oh Baby! Oh Baby! Oh Baby!",
Trim your jib and sheet the main and switch to the opposite tack
It is the lovely Adrift Nell and she wants your heart for a snack.
And if you run into a bunch of lsad and lonely and heartless young men
You will know that Adrift Nell is back on the hunt again

You can see more of Nell and her adventures in her blog at http://adriftnelly.blogspot.com/

Update
Nell went for a trip to Carriacou to visit Carriacou Dave and fell in love. She is now totally smitten and has retired from capturing the affections of any man in reach. So all us sailors can breath a sigh of relief and continue on our merry lives as we are safe from the spells of the sieren of the seven seas at least for a while.

The Heinekin Regatta

Nauticat at the Heinekin Regatta, march 2008

Nauticat competed in the Heinekin Regatta in St Martin this year. We entered in the cruising multihull division which had a total of 11 entries. The competition was Rocketeer, a well sailed and very fast Atlantic 55 cat, a 2 time previous winner. Baradazog, an Outremer 55 and the fastest boat in the division. A very well sailed and prepared Nautitech 43 cat. A lagoon 57, a Lagoon 440 and a Lagoon 38 also competed. A moorings 43 was also chartered for the regatta and a Lavezi 40 . The smallest boat was a very nice open Geminga 28 cat that was very quick. We were the slowest boat and I had a decent rating, unlike last year where I owed time to 44 ft cats.
I had a crew of 6, Mike Nusbaum from Victoria, Dennie Toolan from St Croix, Isabelle Peloquin from Montreal, Anita McKinley from Seattle, and Edith Gelin from Parksville
The first race was a windward , leeward coarse starting in Simpson Bay and finishing in Philipsburgh. The winds were 20 to 25 k with gusts to 30k. We placed 6th in that race and were very happy with our finish. A lot better than last year when we finished last in every race.
The second day was a race from Simpson Bay around to Margot on the French side. The winds were 18 to 24k. It was a nice beat, a good run and a long beat up the French shore with a downwind finish. We did well on the last beat and managed to catch some of the faster boats and had a good finish. We placed 3rd in that race.
The 3rd day was from Marigot back to Simpson Bay. The winds were between 10 and 25k. After a good start, I over stood the layline to the windward mark and dropped from 5th to 8th place. The downwind leg was light and I rounded the leeward mark in 9th. However it was a nice beat up the Dutch shore and we short tacked on every headder and picked up a few more boats to finish 5th across the line and correct into 3rd place again. Anita wore herself out grinding the headsail but never complained and did a fabulous job. We finished the regatta in 3rd for our division, first going to the very well sailed Nautiteh 43 and 2nd to the very fast Outremer 55.
This was a very big improvement from last year where we were DFL for our division and the whole regatta. The boat was a lot faster and we sailed it smarter and better. Everyone had a good time and a lot of fun. Edith and Isabelle had never raced before so this was a new experience for them. The crew work was good as we had a few days of practise before the regatta.

The Year of the Ratz

Arrived safely at st martin where I stored the boat for the hurricane season only to find the boat a complete mess.
I was having a new motor installed in the port side but somehow Rats got into the boat while the work was being done. And they created a mess. the Rats have chewed everything in sight and set up home in my little boat. they have chewed up any paper and plastic and shit everywhere. there is no area left untouched. So i set to work and started to get rid of my unwanted crewmates. The first night I caught 3 but there is no such thing as 3 rats. There are more. and you catch the dumb and easy ones first.
so i have been swarmed by flies, eaten alive by mosquitoes, stung by wasps, and I am sleeping with rats instead of chicks.
Thank god this is paradise or i would be starting to worry. living on land in a boat is not fun. but i am getting immune to the mosquitoes now, and some of those WASP chicks are quite cute anyway.
had problems with the electrical system and just getting it functioning. no refrigeration for a while so no fresh food. just tuna surprise, sardine surprise, any surprise.
but now that the fridge is working, and with my sucess at ratting, i can have fresh food. tonight its ratachoi. always eat what you catch. after all i read james clavell and
have some good recipies. and if its good enough for alice cooper, who am i to turn it down. maybe my singing will improve.
everything else is going good. picking off the problems one at a time and making progress.
another week until launching and all should be good. the dingy is in the water and running so i have transportation.



Theres more than one way to skin a dead rat

Ah the pitter patter of little feet running across the deck at night. enough to wake you bolt upright from that wonderfull dream you were having. then you grab for the flashlight to try and find them.
and there they are, peering down at you with their beady little eyes from the hatch right above you.
were they planning to drop in? such are those lovely little skinny tailed caribbean squirrels.
now how do you get them off your boat. these ones were too smart for traps. peanut butter and good french cheese just wouldnt entice them to stick their scrawny little necks out for the guillitene.
sticky boards worked on the dumb ones. and you catch them alive so you can put them on other boats and watch the fun.
poison pellets works on some but then you have to track down the dead bodies tucked away in the smallest holes and you only find them by the smell. lots of fun those decomposing rats.
but what worked well for me was to seal up the boat tight and only leave one hatch open for them to escape. then put on a good ann murray or celine dion cd and in about 15 minutes they cant stand it any more.
I had ear plugs so i was alright. then when they pop their little heads up out of the hatch you slap shot them with your hockey stick.
they launch great. Dave bring down your sand wedge and we can golf them at other boats. maybe you will get a hatch in one.
or else you can skeet shoot them in the air if you get a good loft.
the ratting proceeds.
all is well in squirrel paradise. weather is good and boat work proceeding well if at a slow pace. have the little
blighters cornered in one area now. nothing fights like a cornered rat.
hope to launch mid next week.



fair weather ratz

have launched the boat. it is now in the water. everything is great. life is wonderful. all is at peace with the world. except for the Ratz that are jumping ship.
Ratz desert a sinking ship dont they. are they telling me something. better check.
the last of the Ratz have left and the boat is now Ratz free. im going to miss those cuddly little creatures. they did keep me busy.
enclosed is a picture of the last two trophy Ratz just as they were leaving as they are off to a bigger boat. thats Isabella and Dianarah Ratzova, the two younger of the Ratzova sisters. you should have been down here Rob.
they like guys like you. but i prefer the older ones as you know. old like maryann and ginger but with a smoother complexion than your maryann and ginger. we will probably meet up with the Ratzovas again.




the king rat is all thats left.

all the nasty little intruders have left and the real alfa rat triumphed over all the scurrying little pretenders. and i can create a bigger mess than any of those little ones.
spent the weekend in Grand Cass on the french side. BBQ ribs and veggies $8.00 and worth it.beer $1 and good and cold. got lots of work done. very windy though. had gusts up to 40 knots and from the north. wide open. my anchor is 35 lbs and 10:1 chain rode wouldnt hold. the anchor plowed a furrow about 100 ft long overnight.
had my shakedown sail today in 30 knots of wind. thank goodness it was down wind and a reach. hit 9 knots on the surfs with just a double reefed main. 7 - 8 knots steady on the reach with a double reefed main and a big reef in the headsail. the new autopilot works well so i am happy. almost all is well. still some electrical problems to sort out.
my first guest arrives on thursday and all should be ready. looking forward to the company and finishing the majority of my boat work. the swimming is great and the water warm as always. now at simpson bay.
the folding props help with the boat speed. sails faster in light and heavy winds. we will be more competative for the heinekin regatta. or else we can carry more beer on board. havent got rid of any weight yet but am getting ready for it .
can still get rid of 2000 lbs for race mode.